Finding a good therapist

Oh what a joy and a treasure is a good therapist! I was reminded of this when my dear friend Kirsten shared her tale of losing a good one and failing to find a replacement. It was particularly timely because I’d just the day before had a face to face session with my counsellor for the first time in months, and been reminded of what a wonderful, supportive person she is. (We normally do phone sessions.) My first impression of her four and a half years ago had not been promising. On the phone she had sounded cold and I know from experience that being fabulously insecure I do not do well with someone who is not warm and reassuring. But as soon as she walked into the waiting room and smiled hello at me I knew she was going to be great. (She had me from ‘hello’!) Her warmth, belief in me and good sense have helped me climb out of the dark valleys of despair into the bright light of joy. Whatever happens, whatever I do or say or reveal about myself, I feel that she is always on my side, always there for me. Goodness knows how many relapses she has helped me avoid by her steady presence and good counsel. She is a treasure beyond value.

But the road to finding her was not a smooth or easy one*. I’ve seen more counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals of every ilk than you can shake a stick at and some of them have not been helpful, to put it mildly. It took me a while to work out that therapists who were by nature cold actually made my depression worse. For a long time I believed that technical skills were paramount and personality was secondary. But then two cool and distant therapists actually pushed me over the edge at vulnerable times rather than helping me recover. Now I know that feeling liked and accepted is the most important therapeutic ingredient for me. But it’s different for each individual. One of the therapists who was so disastrous for me was just great for a friend of mine who is not insecure.

The key for me has been to keep learning what works for me, and to keep looking. There’s no guarantee that once you find someone good they’ll stay around. I once found a great counsellor who I made practically sign in blood to say she was settled in town long-term who then upped sticks and moved her whole family halfway up the country! But I kept looking and found another good one. Don’t let the not quite right for you ones put you off – a good therapist can be hugely helpful and is well worth searching for.

*to see more crazy road markings click on 'the road' in blue above