Using creative procrastination to get things done

I know the conventional wisdom is to identify the top priority on your to do list and do it first. But if you're like me you may have sat, paralysed, staring at that top priority and feeling unable to get started on it. Well, I have two tried and true techniques for getting past that paralysis. Here's one of them.

It's pretty simple - if you can't do the top priority, do something else from your to do list. This is a situation where the best really is the enemy of the good. The great thing about this approach is that instead of reaching the end of the day filled with guilt and self-recrimination about not getting anything done, you at least feel good about what you did achieve. As getting active is a proven way of feeling better, this should mean you end the day feeling happier (or at worst, less depressed) than if you'd sat staring at the list all day.

If you find you end up feeling bad because you didn't do the 'right' thing, then I've found talking back to those voices is helpful, with comments like:

• at least I did something
• I made progress today
• I can do that other task when I'm feeling fresher, and
• the best is the enemy of the good.

I had an experience like this last week. My top priority was editing an article I'd just got feedback on. But I felt totally demotivated about doing that, especially as I had to make it shorter and editing is not my strong suite! So instead, I changed gears and worked on drafting a new article. I promised myself I'd go back to editing next week, when I feel fresh and have some perspective. At the end of the day, I felt good about what I'd achieved - much better than if I'd done nothing. That really would have resulted in self-recrimination!

My other tip? It's 'just aim to do five minutes on it' - and that's one I'll be using this coming week to get the editing done! I'll do a post on this in future, but if you want to read more about it now look at my other blog, under 'older posts - 'my best anti procrastination technique' (note to self - must learn how to add links to other websites!)

Using positive psychology to lessen the pain of cognitive therapy for depression

Sometimes using cognitive techniques can make you feel worse to start with, until you find good answers to talk back to your painful thoughts.  Here’s a simple technique I happened on that takes some or all of the pain out of challenging depressing thoughts.  I know some people avoid looking at their thoughts because it hurts, so I thought this might help.

I came up with this when I was doing background research for the book I’m writing on transforming depression into happiness.  Positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson’s found that one of the good things that happiness brings is increased creativity.  ‘D’oh’ I thought.  ‘What if you did something that made you feel good before you wrote down your thoughts?  It could provide a buffer zone of good feelings against the potential down when you look at thoughts like ‘I’m a failure,’ or ‘I can’t get on with people’.  Feeling better could also make it easier to come up with new ways of thinking because your mind is more open to new ideas.’  I tried it out and it seemed to work.

So here are the simple steps:

• ·         Pick an activity that routinely lifts your spirits – going for a walk, meeting up with friends, watching an uplifting movie, driving round and listening to music, surfing, cooking a great meal – whatever floats your boat!  Set a time and do whatever organising you need to
• ·         Just before you do the activity, write down some of the thoughts that have been flitting round your head like annoying little grey clouds (or huge overwhelming tornadoes!)  It may be a bit painful to focus on these thoughts, but that pain is about to be eased!
• ·         Go off and have fun
• ·         When you feel better after the activity, pick up the page and look at your thoughts again.  You may find it easier to see the gaps in logic and evidence, and come up with some good answers, in a relatively painless way.

The other good thing about this technique is that there seems to be some evidence that we are more able to remember things that fit with our current mood.  So when you’re feeling sunnier, you may be more able to access sunny memories that give the lie to your gloomy prognostications.

'Why bother with using cognitive techniques when you’re already feeling better?' I hear you ask  That’s a good question.  If you no longer feel depressed, then it may well not be worth the effort.  There is research that shows that activity can be just as effective in changing depressing thoughts as cognitive techniques.  I do it either when the activity wasn’t enough on its own to make me feel good, or as a way of buffering myself against future depression by coming up with some snappy answers I can use in the future.  Totally up to you!

How to choose a therapist

The first thing to remember is - you don't have to keep seeing a therapist or counselor just because you see them for one session. In fact, you don't even have to finish that session! If they feel wrong for you it's OK to politely excuse yourself before the hour (or 50 minutes!) is up and leave, provided you pay the bill for the full session. Warmth is a biggie for me so if the person concerned is cold and critical, I don't sign on for another session.

However, I would recommend seeing someone face to face even if they sound off-putting on the phone. My favorite ever counselor sounded awful on the phone but was lovely in person.

How do you know whether it's worth staying? Here's some tips:

• you feel listened to and understood
• you feel respected
• you feel safe
  
• the therapist wants to take the same approach as you.

The last cannot be guaranteed, even if you're seeing someone who specializes in the type of therapy you want to do. I once went to great lengths to get an appointment with a psychologist who did cognitive behavioral therapy, back in the days when it wasn't that common. But despite me telling her over and over again that this was the type of therapy I found helpful and wanted to do, she insisted I needed what she called 'supportive therapy'.

You would think 'listening' was a no brainer but no - I did see one person who couldn't stop telling me irrelevant and annoying stories about herself. Obviously you want the therapist to say something - just not too much! And you also want responses that acknowledge what you just said and how you're feeling.

As for 'safe' and 'respected', that means things like - the person doesn't insult you, patronise you, jump to conclusions about you or come onto you. (It happens!) I saw one psychologist who was very angry and aggressive towards me, because she was also seeing a friend of mine and didn't like the way I'd acted towards her. I lasted the hour, but after talking it over with my partner decided not to go back again! (N.B. while the therapist is long gone, my friend and I are still going strong!)

It may take a while of seeing different therapists before you work out what works for me. It took me a couple of disastrous people to work out I needed someone very warm and accepting to work with. One good way to work out what kind of therapist you might get on with is to think about what types of people you most like in every day life = and what sort of people you avoid!

As for what type of therapy to choose for depression, that's a big question that it will take me quite a few posts to answer.

Has anyone reading this post had an interesting experience trying to choose a therapist?