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In this woman’s case she read self-help books but didn’t seek other help. In fact she pretended to her doctor and others that everything was fine. Meanwhile the illness was
eating away at her. In some ways it would have been better for the family had she stopped coping and had a complete breakdown so she had to have treatment. But because she went on with the basics day to day it was possible for her to deny the seriousness of her condition, and difficult for anyone to make her get help. I’ve been through this with someone myself – knowing that they are very ill and need professional help, but having them refuse to seek treatment even though their life was at risk. Thankfully in that case a group of people who cared got together and wrote a letter to the person’s GP that led to him getting treatment. As a result he’s still around to care for his children today. But it could have been different.The reason he didn’t want to seek treatment? The stigma of admitting he had a mental illness. So many of us with depression learn early on that people don’t like to hear about it. Pretending things are fine becomes our way of being accepted, and after a while it becomes second nature. But pretending things is fine makes it hard to seek help. What saved me was becoming so depressed that I couldn’t function normally, so I couldn’t pretend any more. The shame was huge, but not as big as the relief of getting professional help. That was the start of a change in my life that led to my current happiness. I’m just sad that this poor mother didn’t get that chance.
A very moving post. As my depression is mild to moderate, I (and others around me) tend to overlook it, as my other chronic physical illnesses take centre stage. Your blog is motivating me to put into action things that will stimulate my happiness - for the well-being of both my mental and phsycial health, and ultimately, my spirit. I'm back in regular therapy sessions, I'm on Omega 3 and Vit B tablets, I'm trying to eat some protein at every meal, and, for the first time, I'm going to access services for those experiencing mental illess - art therapy at my local community centre. Being able to access this service, with the only criteria being 'an experience of mental illness', is going to bring more creativity, laughter, and connectedness into my life, and all I have to do is turn up! I'm grateful for the services like this in the community that have such an un-restricting criteria and, dear Kaye, for your blog.
ReplyDeleteHello Kaye,
ReplyDeleteYour blog entry reminds me of the book/film "The Hours", where Laura abandons her new born child and her family to flee depression. When asked why she abandoned her child, Laura said, 'It was death, I chose life'. This book has led me to reconsider my moral judgements on the people that do wrong things because out of despair.
When I read your post, the first thought that sprang to mind is, "we can't judge this woman"...
Thank you for this emotional post, and thanks for sharing the positive outcome that your friend experienced. Good on those people who had the courage to alert the GP. It did take love and courage.
Take care
F.
I love the movie 'The Hours' - I own a copy and have watched it many times (I read the book first - when I wanted to impress a woman and it was her fav book! ;-)). There are so many layers to the film that I pick up new things each time. Not one to watch on a low day though - it always has me crying my eyes out!
ReplyDeleteYes it seems incredible that a mother would kill or abandon her children until you understand how it looks and feels from the inside. For some depressed mothers they feel they are saving or protecting their children when they kill them, for others it's simply that they don't want to leave the child behind. I didn't understand this until I was severely depressed myself. Everything looks different from the inside of depression - the world becomes topsy turvey. I think the other thing for me is the importance of sharing how you feel - something that I've found hard to do at crisis times. But it makes such a difference.
ReplyDelete