5 simple ways to reduce painful feelings

Happiness happens when a person experiences three times as many positive emotions as negative emotions (or more). Building up positive emotions is reasonably simple. But how do you reduce the negative emotions like sadness, anger and anxiety that so easily undermine them?

Here are some simple tips, based on research and my experience:

1. Notice negative thoughts or feelings. Sounds simple, but it works. You can count them, put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you realize you’re having one or simply say to yourself ‘that was a negative thought’. Research shows that simply noticing you’re having a thought that ma
kes you feel bad is enough to decrease them
2. Accept negative feelings. Again, a very simple sounding technique but one that I’ve found amazingly effective. This involves not panicking, but just feeling the feelings. I say to myself ‘just feel it’. This stops me catastrophizing about feeling bad, which makes the bad feelings spiral out of control. It also stops me trying to deny that I’m feeling bad, which usually makes me feel worse.
3. Do something. As long as it’s not self-destructive, doing almost anything will lift your spirits and reduce negative emotions

4. Exercise. A brilliant, free way to reduce negative emotions. A walk, swim or workout can not only distract you but change you physically, so you feel less sadness, anxiety or anger.

5. Spend time with people. Make sure they’re people you actually like and get on with or you could feel worse! But this is a very effective way to

lift your spirits.

What makes you feel better when you’re feeling down or worried or irritable or any other kind of negative emotion?

How to create positive emotions

To be happy, you need to experience three times as many positive emotions as negative emotions (or more).  What amazes me is how simple it can be to create a positive emotion.  These include things like joy, awe, compassion, amusement, hope and love.  (Negative emotions are what you’d expect – anger, sadness, hate and anxiety, among others.)

I was reading an experiment by happiness researcher Barbara Fredrickson recently while working on my book on transforming depression into happiness.  She made people feel positive emotions simply by showing them short film clips of a puppy or waves.  I was surprised that this works, because these seem like such bland images.

Obviously, to get to the magic ratio, it makes sense to do as many things as possible to create positive emotions.  Here are a few of the things I’ve found that work:

• ·         Writing down the good things that happen each day or week – reliving them gives me a lift
• ·         Watching youtube clips or TV programmes that amuse or inspire me, like America’s Funniest Home Videos or Saturday Night Live.  As I write this I’m smiling over a heart-warming story on Luke Gamble’s Vet Adventures about a young street kid caught illegally selling puppies who was caught and given a job at an animal shelter which helped him get his life together
• ·        Getting out in nature and savouring the beauty
• ·         Playing ball with my dog (the non-lazy one who actually likes to chase balls!)
• ·         Meeting friends for a walk or coffee
• ·         Exercise
• ·         Doing something I get lost in, like writing, and
• ·         Cooking – not fun for everyone I know, but I love trying out new recipes, whether they work or not!

If you keep a note of the things that lift your emotions, you’ll quite soon have a good idea of what to build into your life to increase your good feelings.  The other part of getting the magic ratio is decreasing negative emotions – more on that in another post!

What lifts your spirits?  I’d love to hear.

Using creative procrastination to get things done

I know the conventional wisdom is to identify the top priority on your to do list and do it first. But if you're like me you may have sat, paralysed, staring at that top priority and feeling unable to get started on it. Well, I have two tried and true techniques for getting past that paralysis. Here's one of them.

It's pretty simple - if you can't do the top priority, do something else from your to do list. This is a situation where the best really is the enemy of the good. The great thing about this approach is that instead of reaching the end of the day filled with guilt and self-recrimination about not getting anything done, you at least feel good about what you did achieve. As getting active is a proven way of feeling better, this should mean you end the day feeling happier (or at worst, less depressed) than if you'd sat staring at the list all day.

If you find you end up feeling bad because you didn't do the 'right' thing, then I've found talking back to those voices is helpful, with comments like:

• at least I did something
• I made progress today
• I can do that other task when I'm feeling fresher, and
• the best is the enemy of the good.

I had an experience like this last week. My top priority was editing an article I'd just got feedback on. But I felt totally demotivated about doing that, especially as I had to make it shorter and editing is not my strong suite! So instead, I changed gears and worked on drafting a new article. I promised myself I'd go back to editing next week, when I feel fresh and have some perspective. At the end of the day, I felt good about what I'd achieved - much better than if I'd done nothing. That really would have resulted in self-recrimination!

My other tip? It's 'just aim to do five minutes on it' - and that's one I'll be using this coming week to get the editing done! I'll do a post on this in future, but if you want to read more about it now look at my other blog, under 'older posts - 'my best anti procrastination technique' (note to self - must learn how to add links to other websites!)