How to choose a therapist

The first thing to remember is - you don't have to keep seeing a therapist or counselor just because you see them for one session. In fact, you don't even have to finish that session! If they feel wrong for you it's OK to politely excuse yourself before the hour (or 50 minutes!) is up and leave, provided you pay the bill for the full session. Warmth is a biggie for me so if the person concerned is cold and critical, I don't sign on for another session.

However, I would recommend seeing someone face to face even if they sound off-putting on the phone. My favorite ever counselor sounded awful on the phone but was lovely in person.

How do you know whether it's worth staying? Here's some tips:

• you feel listened to and understood
• you feel respected
• you feel safe
  
• the therapist wants to take the same approach as you.

The last cannot be guaranteed, even if you're seeing someone who specializes in the type of therapy you want to do. I once went to great lengths to get an appointment with a psychologist who did cognitive behavioral therapy, back in the days when it wasn't that common. But despite me telling her over and over again that this was the type of therapy I found helpful and wanted to do, she insisted I needed what she called 'supportive therapy'.

You would think 'listening' was a no brainer but no - I did see one person who couldn't stop telling me irrelevant and annoying stories about herself. Obviously you want the therapist to say something - just not too much! And you also want responses that acknowledge what you just said and how you're feeling.

As for 'safe' and 'respected', that means things like - the person doesn't insult you, patronise you, jump to conclusions about you or come onto you. (It happens!) I saw one psychologist who was very angry and aggressive towards me, because she was also seeing a friend of mine and didn't like the way I'd acted towards her. I lasted the hour, but after talking it over with my partner decided not to go back again! (N.B. while the therapist is long gone, my friend and I are still going strong!)

It may take a while of seeing different therapists before you work out what works for me. It took me a couple of disastrous people to work out I needed someone very warm and accepting to work with. One good way to work out what kind of therapist you might get on with is to think about what types of people you most like in every day life = and what sort of people you avoid!

As for what type of therapy to choose for depression, that's a big question that it will take me quite a few posts to answer.

Has anyone reading this post had an interesting experience trying to choose a therapist?