Blue sky day

It’s sunny again today. I had dreaded winter up here after what my brother told me about the intense cold and long, grey, wet days dragging on for weeks. But for the last two and a half weeks I’ve woken to blue skies most days. He was right about the cold – it’s been as low as -2 degrees at night. When I pull the curtains the winter sun makes the frost patterns on the window sparkle. Outside the water is frozen in the animals’ bowls, even on the vinyl cover of the ute. It’s fun to slide the discs of ice off and watch them shatter on the ground. And it’s lovely to light a fire – last night I left the door of the wood burner open and sat there watching the flames, especially a bright green one that flared up when I put blue cardboard in, the dog snoozing at my feet, both of us enjoying the heat.

Yesterday I crashed. I’ve felt so well recently, over the carbon monoxide poisoning caused by a leaky gas heater. Even the ME that has had me off work for over seven months seemed abated. It was so great to have energy to walk the dog, write more, do more housework, go out to dinner or a movie with friends and work on the dreaded taxes. I started planning my return to work. But after 21 years of ME I know that high energy doesn’t always last. I pushed myself too hard and now I’m struggling to get things done again. The parental voice in my head says ‘you should know better’. But another voice, a cheeky young one, answers back ‘yeah, I should but it was great while it lasted. If I’m going to be sick at least I’ve done something worth being sick over.’ I had my normal moments of despair – will I ever get well? Is life worth living? But they were brief, because it’s clear that life is worth living, very much so. And today I managed to get to my computer before 11am for the first time in weeks – animals fed, dog outside romping in the sun, washing on. I’m full of enthusiasm for my writing and excited about the blog I will set up today. Despair is not even a whisper – life is good.