Staying happy when times are tough

Life is never perfect (as a reformed perfectionist, I now know this is true!) But for some of us, it's more imperfect than for others. The following circumstances can be a reason:

• being homeless
  


• being out of work
  


• chronic illness
  


• chronic pain
  


• lack of money (particularly when coupled with lots of bills!)
  


• social isolation
  


• living in a war zone.

You get the picture! Barbara Fredrickson has found the happinss is most likely when people feel three or more positive emotions to every negative emotion. Does this apply to negative events too? Is happiness more likely the more positive circumstances we have in our lives? I'm not sure, but I suspect the answer is 'yes'.

In my own experience, being ill, out of work, having money problems and being socially isolated have made it harder to be happy. (I'm thankful to say I haven't ever had to cope with being homeless, in chronic pain or living in a warzone, but I feel for those who do.) But I've also found that negative circumstances don't make happiness impossible - it's a matter of having to work harder to create and maintain the happiness.

I don't want to be Pollyanna-ish about this. Having problems sucks, and when every second phone call seems to be from the taxman, the bank or someone you owe money to, it can be hard to see the world as a sunny place. I know this from personal experience. But in my view it's worth trying, simply because depression is painful and happiness is a whole lot more fun. Look at it this way - it's bad enough having crappy circumstances without feeling depressed into the bargain.

So here are the things I've found help create and maintain happiness in the tough times:

• having a plan for each day, just a list of tasks that can be realistically done (by you - not superman!) each day. I find it helps give focus and increase motivation
  


• having some goals for life that you're working on, such as finding a job, improving health, or creating something
  


• spending time with people you feel close to - this is a biggie
  


• exercise and getting out in natural light are always great for boosting mood, if you can manage them, especially in places of natural beauty



• writing down the positive things that happen each day and what you achieve e.g. I did the dishes, my friend called. Some people prefer to do this weekly but I find that when times are tough, daily works best to help prevent (or offset) a focus on the negatives. I also do way more than 3 each day - as many as I can think of and have time to write



• planning events that could bring pleasure, whether with others, or alone.

It's all about building up the positives in life so they start to outweigh the negatives, as well as noticing the positives when they happen. There's nothing like a lot of negative circumstances to set off negative, depressing thinking. Finding meaning in life also helps to get me through the tough times, in the form of goals I want to achieve, that give me a reason to get up in the morning.