All the techniques that make me feel good

Wine is not on this list, much as I love a glass of good merlot! Neither is chocolate, even though I consider it one of the essential food groups. Instead this is a list of all the strategies and techniques I use to keep my mood positive, and lift it when it drops.

I'm always interested when I hear one thing being recommended as the answer to depression, whether it's an antidepressant, cognitive therapy or exercise. That's because my experience is that I needed a whole range of things to transform my depression into happiness. I kept adding one thing after another until I reached a critical mass that pushed me over the edge - in a good way! I still use all these things to maintain and protect my good mood. They include:

• writing down the good things that happen to me most days, three or more things, or however many I want. (If I don't feel like doing it, I don't.) Some people prefer to do this once a week and doing it that often seems to work just as well
  
• writing down the things I am looking forward to and ticking them off when they happen, especially small, predictable things, like my delicious fruit smoothie for breakfast
  
• planning social times with friends, acquaintances, and family
  
• getting as much exercise as I am able without making the chronic physical illness I suffer from worse, particularly walking with my dogs
• getting out in the daylight, even when it's raining, even if it's just sitting in the car with the window rolled down while the dogs run around in the park!
• taking 6000mg of fish oil each day (half in the morning, half at night)
• planning my day and week so it doesn't seem overwhelming, I keep on top of chores and finances, I get some work done each week, and I have fun times
• listening to my thoughts and being alert to any of the cognitive distortions, particularly a focus on the negatives and ignoring the positives
• talking back to them in my head, and if that's not working, writing them down and looking for holes in my logic or facts that I can correct
  
• doing things that build my positive emotions, such as watching TV programs that are funny or inspiring (like Monk, about the annoying but brilliant obsessive compulsive detective), or reading books that make me feel good (although these are harder to find than visual media), spending fun times with people, working on my book or blogs, going for walks
• mindfulness - now this is a challenge as I find it pretty boring! My best technique so far has been a recorded grounding meditation which doesn't focus on breathing (my pet hate - not breathing per se, but focusing entirely on it, especially through my nose. I just don't find my nose that interesting!). I like mindfulness because it focuses on what I hear, feel, see, smell and taste inside me and outside me, and I can open my eyes and even move around while I'm doing it
  
• when I feel a painful or negative emotion just accepting it and feeling it, not panicking or rushing to try and change it
• eating a diet that's low in sugar and caffeine, and reasonably high in protein and fibre, with less omega 6 and more omega 3 essential fatty acids than the average diet contains (that means avoiding processed foods and eating fresh food and wholegrains as much as possible)
• doing things that are creative and put me in a state of flow, where I lose myself in the activity, like cooking a new dish or writing
• and one of my favorites, work, whether paid or unpaid. There's a lot of research showing that people who are depressed and unemployed feel much better when they find work, as long as it's not too stressful (i.e. with more demands than they can realistically manage). Work involves so many things that are useful in themselves - planning, social contact, flow, the satisfaction of achieving goals. I call it the therapy I get paid to do
• savoring the enjoyable sensations and events in my life by noticing them when they happen and celebrating them with others
• building up my relationships by responding very positively to the good things that happen to others and keeping mainly to positive topics in the conversation as well as asking questions and finding things to agree with in what people say
  
• using problem solving skills to deal with practical problems so they don't become overwhelming and de-rail me
• noticing the danger signals that my mood is likely to go down (poor sleep, crying, conflict in relationships, irritation) and acting quickly to make sure it doesn't happen
  
• there are probably a few things that I've left out but that's enough for now!

I find that building these things into my daily and weekly routine results in a more stable and positive mood, and much more happiness.

Making time for the good things in life

I just got back last week from a trip to my home town of Wellington, one of the loveliest little cities I've ever seen. It was great seeing friends and familiar, loved places. Being on holiday and hanging out with some of my favourite people meant there was no shortage of good things to record in my journal (although there was a slight problem with being too busy to get round to it for days on end! Or this blog!) The picture on the right is Oriental Bay, one of my favorite places on earth, where I had a lovely 'walk' in one of the mobility scooters the city provides free accompanied by my sister, on a day when it looked just like this. The gelatos we had from Caffe Eis made it even more of a pleasurable experience!

After all that fun coming home could have been a bummer. Luckily I had planned the holiday so I had some days to get over going on holiday! I had a pile of newspapers and magazines a friend passes on to me to read (one of my favourite lazy day activities), a garden to dig and seedlings to plant. The days passed in a pleasant haze with lots of good things to enjoy and write about. But over this sunny time loomed the dark cloud marked 'back to reality on Monday'. Work (which I actually love), finances and admin (not so much fun) and just the normal humdrum routine. To keep my sunny holiday mood it was important to plan good things - like a walk with a friend and her dog, phone calls to people I like, andspending time in the garden in the early morning or evening.

Even more important was making time to notice all the good things that happen each day. Once my routine took over, the good things decreased in number, crowded out by finances and admin. This is where my routine really works for me, because it is my habit to write down each day the good things from the day before. I've done it for decades, so it feels strange if I don't do it. If I'm running short of time or feeling bored, I make it just three good things. Anything can go in there - the fact that I got the washing in before it rained, making a nice meal, talking on the phone to a friend, getting an administrative task I'd been dreading done and finding it not so bad! Some people like to write the good things down once a week, but in my situation of coping with a chronic illness, low income, and all the paperwork that goes with being on a benefit, writing them down daily helps me notice that they do happen, and helps keep my mood sunny. Now I'm back to reality and still feeling good.

Good things for the last week

• Turning over on my day off and going back to sleep
• The boy from across the road made a banana chocolate chip cake and it was fabulous – especially considering it was the first cake he’d ever made
• Bubble bath with the Radox mix with calendula and rose – yummy
• I got the rubbish out two weeks in a row – now for the recycling that is threatening to bury me!
• Having three people who regularly comment on my blog and encourage me to keep writing it
• The warmth of a fire on a cold winter morning
• A writing buddy who helps me work out where to go when I’m stuck and gives me encouragement
• A short haircut - nice and cool for the warm weather and much easier to manage
• I had a great chat with my hairdresser about the boy across the road who is doing kickboxing with him – I’m so grateful he is so supportive
• Dry firewood!
• A day off from the dog, so restful and relaxing
• Being adored by the dog next door who wags her tail so hard when she sees me her backside is in danger of coming off. Yes – I am the centre of the universe. I knew it!
• I got the sheets changed on the bed
• I got some of the dishes done
• Two quiet, relaxing days with no dog and no local kids coming round
• The annual Pride picnic, which I organised, went really well with lots of people coming along with their dogs and having a great time

Good things for the last week

A bit later than usual this week - I had a vague day yesterday and forgot to do the blog!

• lovely afternoon at a local reserve paddling in the river with a neighbour's kids, paddling in the river under the hot sun, playing ball with the dog
• that wonderful moment of putting my head down on the pillow and drifting off to sleep
• making a new cookie recipe that's really yummy
• grooming the neighbour's dog with my zoom groom (unlike my dog, she actually likes it!)
• nice talk with my friend from the UK
• yummy egg salad roll for lunch
• watched Burn after Reading with George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand again and liked it just as much as the first time
• talking with mates from Hamilton Pride about games we can play at the picnic this weekend, including 3 legged races and egg and spoon races
• I got another section of fence up to stop the dog escaping
• another week of feeling happy every day.
  

Good things for the last week

• Making a yummy dinner of pasta with pesto and roast veges for myself and a friend I was staying with and eating it while laughing our heads off at ‘The Big Fat Quiz of the Year’ on youtube featuring Noel Fielding and Russell Brand
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• Being able to have every room in the house open and all the animals wandering where they wanted without any fear that the dog will bother the cats
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• Discovering a local speciality – hot chips with mayo and grated cheese on top – and loving it (a bit too much!)
• Enjoyable phone calls with my close friend from Ireland and close friend from my home town
• A wonderful romp with the dog at a lovely reserve beside a broad still stretch of the Waikato River, under huge trees shining in the late afternoon sun, with the silence broken only by geese flying overhead and a couple of motorboats
• Seeing my naturopath face to face for the first time in ages and having a really good chat

Sharing news of good things with others

I’ve found that sharing news of good things in my life with others gives me a real boost. The emotional uplift comes not only from telling my good news but from hearing the positives that have been happening in the other person’s life. I have a weekly phone call with my friend Fiona where we tell each other about all the good things that happened to us in the last week.

Not only is the conversation enjoyable but Fiona says that knowing the phone call is coming up motivates her to organise positive experiences to talk about. It also raises her awareness of the good things that happen in her week. The end result is much more sunshine in her life, as well as mine.

Phone calls are not the only way of sharing good things – sending an email or writing them in a blog also works well. I’ve been part of a daily email circle where each person adds their good things and sends it on. That was a great way of being reminded to notice the enjoyable and uplifting things that happened in my life.

Noticing the good things

It's easy to miss the positives that happen each day. That’s because we remember what we focus on. Let me illustrate what I mean. Look around the room you’re in and notice the blue things. Now look at the computer screen and try to remember what red things are in the room. Chances are you can’t remember many because you weren’t focused on them. It’s the same with good things. Focusing leads to noticing. And it's noticing the good things that has a positive impact on mood.

Here are some questions that can help with focusing on and remembering good things that happen:

• What social events did you attend in the last week? Who did you talk to there?
• What have you eaten that was yummy?
• Have you listened to anything that brought you pleasure e.g. birdsong, music, waves, rain on the roof?
• Have you sat in the sun, or a hot bath, or had a massage or some other pleasurable sensual experience?
• Did you have any enjoyable contact with pets or other animals? I got to scratch a pig’s head yesterday, which was enjoyable in a gross kind of way
• What have you achieved today or in the past few days? Even if it’s small it counts. For me posting letters is a huge achievement because I find it so hard to remember to do it!
• Did you go anywhere? Did anything good happen there? Even if it’s just the same old place you go all the time something nice could have occurred
• What exercise did you do? Was it pleasurable? (even if only because it stopped!)
• Have you seen or read anything beautiful or moving?
• Did you have any enjoyable times with kids (your own or others’) or family members or people you are close to?

Good things for the last week

• • Almost perfect afternoon tea at the Boatshed café where they not only served superb cheese scones but also let the dog run round with their resident dogs leaving me free to sit in the sun overlooking the river and read the Sunday paper in peace – bliss! (the brown lump in the picture is their chocolate lab Lola having a rest after tiring herself out begging for tidbits)
  
• • I got half the gate mended so it’s much easier to open and close
• • Discovered a couple of lovely reserves and had fun pottering round them with the dog
• • Paddling in the river and confusing the dog by throwing stones in the water beside him
• • A wonderful hot fire that warmed up the whole room on a frosty, bitter night
• • Warm bed on a frosty morning
• • Catching up with a friend while he fed the calves
• Great talks with two close friends from my hometown
• • Crunching round the garden in the frost enjoying the morning quiet and stillness
• • The pleasure of a fresh sheets on the bed
• • Reading books by two of my favourite authors, John Sandford and Scott Turow, both masters of their art
• • Feeling better after two days of being bedridden in the past week

Good things for the last week

• Little girls from over the road came to visit and had a lovely time giving the dog ice cubes to crunch, throwing the ball for him, making chocolate milkshakes and drawing
• I finally got a mouse that works after the dog chewed my old one up and the replacement didn’t work
• Nice dinner and chat with a friend
• The inaugural meeting of the Waikato Bisexuals Group finally happened – a new era is born!
• Caught up with most of my emails
• Had a nice chat with my cousin
• Had coffee and delicious white chocolate raspberry ripple cheesecake with friends in Hamilton
- playing tennis ball soccer round the living room with the dog
• Found my best trousers! I thought I must have lost them for good

Good things for the last week

• I really enjoyed watching the film ‘For the Bible Tells us So” about the (bogus) Biblical basis for homophobia and the effect it has had on five families
• It was nice to see my buddies from the Hamilton Pride committee there
• my interview on the Bisexuals Group that I’m setting up finally recorded for Flat Out Queer radio after one failed attempt, and it was fun doing it
• delicious savoury pinwheel scones from the Tokoroa New World bakery – so huge and full of cream cheese, ham, and other good things
• One of my best friends rang from Wellington and we had a great chat
• Barney went to play with the older Staffy cross next door and they both had a wonderful time romping in the back yard
• Lovely drive past green fields bathed in afternoon sun, trees casting long shadows, some still covered with orange and rust coloured leaves
• Road works meant I could drive slowly past a thin waterfall that starts as a stream running across a paddock then falls over a rock slip into a gully surrounded by leafless poplars – if I was going normal speed I would have missed it
• I finally finished my GST return!
• I made good inroads on my backlog of emails

Good things for the last week

• looking at the photos of Mounts Ruapehu and Ngaruhoe in the background with desert plants and snow in the foreground, all coloured orange with violet shadows by the rising sun
• I enjoyed staying with Susan’s parents when I went to town
• did an entry for my blog every day
• enjoyed writing blog entries
• helped Susan’s mother set up her own blog
• cuddles with Barney dog
• lovely Hummingbird cake and Earl Grey tea at the Metropolis café
• ordered firewood
• fun conversation with Gary
• finally managed to buy thermal socks, a polyprop long T, batteries for my scales and a bulb for my reading lamp after meaning to for weeks