All the techniques that make me feel good

Wine is not on this list, much as I love a glass of good merlot! Neither is chocolate, even though I consider it one of the essential food groups. Instead this is a list of all the strategies and techniques I use to keep my mood positive, and lift it when it drops.

I'm always interested when I hear one thing being recommended as the answer to depression, whether it's an antidepressant, cognitive therapy or exercise. That's because my experience is that I needed a whole range of things to transform my depression into happiness. I kept adding one thing after another until I reached a critical mass that pushed me over the edge - in a good way! I still use all these things to maintain and protect my good mood. They include:

• writing down the good things that happen to me most days, three or more things, or however many I want. (If I don't feel like doing it, I don't.) Some people prefer to do this once a week and doing it that often seems to work just as well
  
• writing down the things I am looking forward to and ticking them off when they happen, especially small, predictable things, like my delicious fruit smoothie for breakfast
  
• planning social times with friends, acquaintances, and family
  
• getting as much exercise as I am able without making the chronic physical illness I suffer from worse, particularly walking with my dogs
• getting out in the daylight, even when it's raining, even if it's just sitting in the car with the window rolled down while the dogs run around in the park!
• taking 6000mg of fish oil each day (half in the morning, half at night)
• planning my day and week so it doesn't seem overwhelming, I keep on top of chores and finances, I get some work done each week, and I have fun times
• listening to my thoughts and being alert to any of the cognitive distortions, particularly a focus on the negatives and ignoring the positives
• talking back to them in my head, and if that's not working, writing them down and looking for holes in my logic or facts that I can correct
  
• doing things that build my positive emotions, such as watching TV programs that are funny or inspiring (like Monk, about the annoying but brilliant obsessive compulsive detective), or reading books that make me feel good (although these are harder to find than visual media), spending fun times with people, working on my book or blogs, going for walks
• mindfulness - now this is a challenge as I find it pretty boring! My best technique so far has been a recorded grounding meditation which doesn't focus on breathing (my pet hate - not breathing per se, but focusing entirely on it, especially through my nose. I just don't find my nose that interesting!). I like mindfulness because it focuses on what I hear, feel, see, smell and taste inside me and outside me, and I can open my eyes and even move around while I'm doing it
  
• when I feel a painful or negative emotion just accepting it and feeling it, not panicking or rushing to try and change it
• eating a diet that's low in sugar and caffeine, and reasonably high in protein and fibre, with less omega 6 and more omega 3 essential fatty acids than the average diet contains (that means avoiding processed foods and eating fresh food and wholegrains as much as possible)
• doing things that are creative and put me in a state of flow, where I lose myself in the activity, like cooking a new dish or writing
• and one of my favorites, work, whether paid or unpaid. There's a lot of research showing that people who are depressed and unemployed feel much better when they find work, as long as it's not too stressful (i.e. with more demands than they can realistically manage). Work involves so many things that are useful in themselves - planning, social contact, flow, the satisfaction of achieving goals. I call it the therapy I get paid to do
• savoring the enjoyable sensations and events in my life by noticing them when they happen and celebrating them with others
• building up my relationships by responding very positively to the good things that happen to others and keeping mainly to positive topics in the conversation as well as asking questions and finding things to agree with in what people say
  
• using problem solving skills to deal with practical problems so they don't become overwhelming and de-rail me
• noticing the danger signals that my mood is likely to go down (poor sleep, crying, conflict in relationships, irritation) and acting quickly to make sure it doesn't happen
  
• there are probably a few things that I've left out but that's enough for now!

I find that building these things into my daily and weekly routine results in a more stable and positive mood, and much more happiness.

Is accepting negative emotions enough to stop them?

The other day I posted about how valuable I find simply accepting my negative emotions for reducing them. Not long after I stumbled on the power of acceptance I discovered there's actually a therapy that incorporates this called ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I read up on it and to my surprise found that the founder seemed to be advocating simply accepting negative emotions and not doing anything else. Now, I may have got him wrong, but this is not what works for me. While I love using acceptance because it's so simple and takes much of the stress out of managing my negative emotions, it is by no means the only technique I use. It's my first step in most cases, particularly when I am busy or ill (or just can't be bothered thinking about it!). But I also use other techniques, such as writing down the good things in my life, examining my thoughts for distortions and correcting them, planning my day and doing problem solving. When it comes to transforming depression into happiness I've found there is no 'magic bullet', no one pill to cure all ills. What I've found works best is instead using a range of techniques that make me feel better and have a good fit with my lifestyle, vaues and personality. Together they seem to have a synergy (that dreaded buzz word!) whereby using them all together creates a more powerful impact on depression than using any one alone. I really wouldn't want to rely on acceptance alone, but I'm glad it's one of the tools in my toolbox because it makes life a lot easier.

The best little dog in the world

My very good little (well, more medium-sized now) dog lies snoring on the armchair. What a different dog he is from a few weeks ago. Today I was so exhausted I gave him the run of the house with my disabled cat while I rested. I had no fear the dog would hurt or even threaten the cat. In my up moments the dog and I played tennis ball soccer in the hall and he was perfectly behaved – no biting or jumping. I can now go out into the yard with him and he doesn’t bite or jump up 95% of the time. When he does it takes only a short application of my new techniques before he reverts to a perfect gentleman, trotting calmly at my heels. I can sit on the couch with him and have a cuddle without being bitten or harassed.

I’m so proud. Not only of him, but of myself. Had I given up on him when he first started playing up, decided he was a problem dog or that the situation was beyond me, I would have missed out on all this fun and closeness. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment and pleasure at my success. It also reinforces for me that my general approach to problems works – keeping an open mind, believing they are solvable, gathering information, assessing pros and cons, forming action plans.

But the most important thing of all is that I didn't give up. Whether it’s dog problems or depression, I’ve learned that simply persisting in trying to find a solution is the key to succeeding. I know that just as with a badly behaved dog, depression can be tamed – there are more effective therapies out there than you can shake a stick at. It’s just a matter of trying different things until something(s) works. Then keeping on with it until it becomes a habit, just as coming when I say ‘come’ is becoming a habit with my sweet, well-behaved little, sorry, medium-sized dog.

Success (sort of) using problem solving techniques

Today I went and sat in the sun with Barney on his duvet and we had an almost bite-free pleasant time. He snuggled into my side, biting on his chew toy instead of me or my clothes. This is such a contrast to even two days ago when sitting on the duvet with him outside would lead to a vicious wrestling match ending with me angry and nursing sore, bleeding hands, almost hating him. Now Barney is snoozing by the wood burner on his blanket, looking like a placid puppy who wouldn’t dream of biting anyone.

This seems like a miracle, and I hope it lasts. I achieved it the way I’ve achieved every improvement in my mood, every conquest of a relapse of depression – by trial and error, researching the evidence, reviewing what I’ve tried so far – what worked, what didn’t – and brainstorming new ways around the problem. My father taught me problem solving techniques when I’d had a fight with my best friend at 16. Despite initial scepticism I found them marvellous and have used them ever since. They’ve been reinforced by the problem solving approach inherent in cognitive therapy, which I’ve been using for over quarter of a century.

So it is natural to apply a problem solving approach to the Barney situation. I know I’m doing something that is accidentally rewarding his biting. Somehow I need to get the message into his little doggie head that biting results in no fun. I’ll keep trying, reviewing, revising until I get back the non-bitey dog I first knew and liked. I just went outside and got nipped again so it’s back to the drawing board, but I know I’ll get there in the end if I just keep trying and don’t give up.